Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
