peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
