We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
