I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
