when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
