look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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