ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
