I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
