if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
