You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
