My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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