Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
