He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
