Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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