A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How external is "for external use only"?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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