Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
