i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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