i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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