Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
