see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
