I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
