dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
