It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You are the jesus of drinking
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
