well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
