your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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