I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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