Sry I called you an 8
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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