My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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