My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
