We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How does one acquire holy water?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
