...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
