weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
