i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
