i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
