Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize