I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
