Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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