In America we eat man semen.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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