GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
