ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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