This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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