i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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