The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
