Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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