My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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