i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
