These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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