my mouth tastes like poor choices
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
