In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
