we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
