PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
