Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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