You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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