Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
