Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
