I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Someone shit on the floor
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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