I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
