just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
