if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
